


my blood runs thin (five years)

by Idhren15



Series: in the hands of the blood-witch [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, Bloodbending (Avatar), Broken Bones, Child Abuse, Dehumanization, Dehydration, Episode: s03e08 The Puppetmaster, Eventual Comfort, Frozen in Ice, Gen, Hama is absolutely horrible in this, Hama kidnaps Zuko, Horror, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hypothermia, I'm so sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kidnapping, Like right at the very end, Manipulation, Mother Hama AU, POV Zuko (Avatar), Rated M Just To Be Safe, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, Threats of Violence, Violence, Zuko (Avatar) Angst, Zuko (Avatar) whump, because Zuko is a child and Hama abuses him, please heed the warnings in the tags, sorry but really it's just, this is not a nice fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21811705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idhren15/pseuds/Idhren15
Summary: Zuko is eleven, his world is falling apart, and he's foolish enough to follow Hama away from his home.He's twelve and he's so afraid and so lost.He's thirteen and he's in pain, his body torn inside.He's fourteen and he gets a glimpse of freedom.He's fifteen and he only knows the darkness.Zuko is sixteen, and an unwanted visitor gives him hope again.(AU inspired by MuffinLance where Zuko is kidnapped by Hama, and lots of angst ensues. Rated M just to be safe, as this fic does get dark in places. Please heed the warnings in the tags!)
Relationships: Hama & Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: in the hands of the blood-witch [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580026
Comments: 130
Kudos: 2212
Collections: Finished111, Quality Fics, avatar tingz





	my blood runs thin (five years)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The One Where Zuko's Hair Matches Sokka's and Other Tales](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632206) by [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/pseuds/MuffinLance). 



> This fic was born because instead of working on my current fics I'm getting new ideas inspired by other writers' amazing, angsty AUs XD
> 
> Inspired by MuffinLance's 'Mother Hama' AU but I've deviated from the plot they & others set out. This is my own take on the AU, though the opening is very similar!
> 
> Just a warning that this fic does get dark. I've rated it mature, to be on the safe side. Please, please heed the tags.

Zuko is eleven.

He's eleven years old, and his world is falling apart, and he _doesn't know_ what's going on, why won't anybody _answer_ him? His grandfather is dead, his mother is missing, his father is cold, and his sister is too quiet.

Nobody seems to know what's happening, and he's so confused and tired and after the funeral he just _wants out_ and so he runs. Away from his father's hard eyes, away from his sister's mad smiles, away from the empty halls that are beginning to haunt him.

He runs, his mind spinning around and around, everything inside him twisted up and upside down, throwing his every sense out of line. So when he sees the older woman, and she approaches him, his head is already too messed up to register the _danger danger_ thrumming through his veins.

"What's wrong?" she asks him softly, and he's ashamed that he cries, tears flowing freely though he desperately tries to stop them. He's so choked up he can't even give her an answer.

"Shhh, you're okay, little fire," she says, crouching down and taking hold of his trembling hands, "Come with me, now, let's find your parents."

"Father is busy," he stammers out, "Mother is missing." _But I'm going to find her,_ goes unsaid.

"Oh, little fire," she croons, and he wonders if that is a nickname, "Your mother isn't missing."

He stiffens slightly, lifting his damp golden eyes to meet her cool grey ones.

"What?" he whispers.

She smiles. "Ursa - sorry, your mother - she sent me to find you. You didn't think she'd really leave you alone, did you?"

He shakes his head, something lighting inside of him from the first time since his mother kissed him goodbye at midnight, and disappeared before his grandfather's death. _I'm going to see her again. She didn't mean to leave me alone with Father and Azula... I'll get to be with her again..._

"We can go? I can see her again?" he dares to ask, voice barely above a whisper.

The older woman's smile grows, but not in a good way, though he doesn't realise it yet.

"Of course, I'll bring you to your mother, and what will soon be your new home. Just come with me, now." She stands, not letting go of his hand, and he adjusts his position slightly so it's more comfortable to hold. Her skin is soft and wrinkled against his, and something feels _wrong_ still but how can it be? He's going to see Mother again! Everything is going to be alright.

He's wrong. He is so, _so_ wrong.

Zuko doesn't realise things are weird until the woman has them walking on through the night, out in the country outside the capital city now, walking dark, unfamiliar lanes. Her grip on his hand tightens, and it's comforting, but then it becomes painful, and suddenly he's not so sure. They seem to be going very far away, and it's dark, why are they still travelling? Why won't she stop? He's tired, he wants to rest, but when he tries to speak she shakes her head and something in his throat locks up, then the words die away, and he forgets what he is trying to say.

Eventually they stop, outside what looks like a small, cosy inn, and he just thinks that maybe she's finally tired, too, and they can rest before continuing the search for his mother. He's so exhausted that she almost has to drag him, and when they're inside his wrists and ankles feel cold for some reason, but there's a blanket and a pillow and he's just so _tired_ he can't even think straight.

It's when Zuko wakes that he realises things have gone very badly wrong.

He stretches sleepily as Agni's rays seep through the window and brush against his skin, but as he's stretching something feels _off_. Opening his eyes, he stares down at his hands and a twisted feeling ignites in his gut.

Both his wrists are encircled by thick metal cuffs, connected with a chain that is no longer than a foot.

 _Don't panic,_ he tries to tell himself, but then he sees that there's another metal cuff on his left ankle, with a longer chain trailing to a ring secured in the wall, and the dam _bursts._ He tugs desperately at the chains, his pathetic firebending only generating harmless sparks in his panic and he can't breathe he can't see clearly he's _trapped_ and he doesn't know what's going on again somebody help-

"Calm down, little fire."

He still struggles to breathe, but he turns towards the voice, seeing the woman from yesterday standing there.

"C-can we just go to Mother?" he manages to ask.

She shakes her head slowly. "No, little fire. You're staying here with me, now."

He clenches his fists. "My name _isn't_ 'little fire'! I'm Prince Zuko, and I want you to take me to my mother! Like you promised!"

She laughs, the sound harsh, worse than his father's cold laugh. "I didn't promise anything. I lied about bringing you to your mother. But I _didn't_ lie about your new home. Do you like it?"

He shakes his head slightly. "I... I want to go back then."

"And I wanted to go back home, too, but the Fire Lord never let _me_ ," she spits, "So why should I listen to your demands, little fire?"

Zuko's shaking, now; it starts in his hands, but progresses through his arms and into his torso, then the rest of his body, and he feels so _pathetic_ but he's so _scared_ , he doesn't know what to do, _how_ can he get out of this?

He's not sure he can.

"I'm the prince," he tries, "You...you have to let me go, or my father, he'll-"

"Oh, the Fire Lord won't find you here. He can't do anything more to me," she says coldly, "No, you're not going anywhere, do you understand?"

He's shaking even more. "Please," he whispers, "please let me go..."

The woman looks down on him, her eyes narrowed, and a little considering. "Interesting. Didn't think you'd have it in you to beg."

Zuko grits his teeth, conscious of the flush of embarrassment in his cheeks, but he _has_ to try. If threats aren't working, maybe a different approach will.

"Please," he says again.

"I'll consider, if you get on your knees," she replies.

_Don't do it, don't lower yourself to that level!_

But his trembling knees are already giving way and he falls to them regardless.

"And call me Hama," she adds.

He swallows back the little pride he has. "Let me go, please, Hama."

The woman - Hama, he presumes now - frowns and shakes her head. "Actually, call me _Mistress_ , and I'll consider letting you go."

He doesn't want to obey her, but what choice does he have? He's alone and tired and chained up; there's nothing else he _can_ do.

"Please, Mistress, let me leave, I want to go home, _please_ ," Zuko says, almost desperately.

Hama hums, then an unfriendly grin spreads across her features. "Considered it - still no. But you'll call me Mistress from now on."

"No I won't," he retorts quickly, an anger building up inside of him. He's a _prince_ , not a _pet._

"Yes you will, little fire," she says, stepping closer.

"No I _won't_ ," he repeats, and the fires are roaring, drowning out his fear, spreading through his chi to ignite in his hands and the wooden floor beneath his feet -

Hama flicks her fingers, and a sudden, freezing water falls over his attempted fires, solidifying into ice that crawls up his body. He tries to move, but the ice is too quick, and it freezes him on his knees. Darkness builds in Hama's eyes as the ice crawls up to his neck, then stabs at his cheeks and slips over his lips, sealing his mouth shut. Mercifully the ice stops there, leaving his ears, eyes, and nose free, but _that is it._

He can't move _anything_ else.

The ice chills him right to the core, and it's too tight around his chest, restricting his breathing which he already cannot regulate through his nose. His heart is beating faster, and he _knows_ that his father or Azula would be able to send flames down their arms and melt the ice then break the chains and _escape_ but he can't, he's not strong enough.

He's never been strong enough.

Tears fall, solidifying to ice as they hit his cheeks, and he's so, so ashamed, but it's freezing now Hama's blocked the windows and he's stuck in ice and he's not made for this, he's so scared and stupid and-

And he can't _think straight,_ he just wants to go _home_ but surely Father will look for him? Surely he's not stuck here with no hope of rescue?

Hama laughs, her steel fingers harsh as they grip his face. "You'll learn to obey me soon, little fire," she hisses, "and you'll find that if you do as I say, you won't get hurt. But for now..." a smirk grows, and it chills Zuko even further, "Have fun in the cold."

She spins on her heel and exits, ice spreading out from her feet as she closes the door, the freezing tendrils encasing the entirety of the room and significantly dropping the temperature. Desperately he tries to _move,_ tries to summon the fire inside of him, but he's just too _cold._

He slips into unconsciousness, and wonders if she's going to just let him die.

Hama's not that merciful.

He wakes up, and he's still so _cold_ but he's shivering, and he notices that there's less ice around him. His legs are stiff and cramped, from being trapped in their kneeling position for Agni-knows how long, but he manages to stretch them now, gasping in pain as the blood flows back with a violent stab. The rest of the room is still frozen over, but _how_ is that possible? They didn't travel far, they must still be in the Fire Nation...

Zuko shuffles back into a corner, hissing at the ice against his skin, then hugs his knees to his chest, curling up as much as he can. He breathes, trying to force the heat to his limbs or even out of his mouth, but it's all he can do to keep his body from shivering so much. He's just too cold.

He drifts off again, and the next time he wakes, Hama is there, staring down at him with a pleased smile. "Looks like you're struggling there, little fire. Won't you ask your Mistress for help?"

He's freezing and scared but he's _not_ reducing himself to that level, so he shakes his head.

Her smile disappears.

"Fine then," she snaps, and flicks her fingers again. Ice shoots up his body once more, crawling with a quicker speed, and dimly he realises _she's a waterbender._

But then the ice seals his mouth, and skims around his nose to dust over his eyelids, pulling them down and locking them closed, and now he _can't see._

He panics as Hama laughs, then it all becomes too much and a stronger darkness roars up to take him under again.

When he wakes the third time, he's unfrozen again but still far too cold, and when she talks he can't find the words to agree or disobey. His lips are stiff and freezing, and his tongue is dead in his mouth, from the dehydration that crept in without him realising. There's an incessant pounding in his head that just won't relent, making it even harder to think, to _remember_ that he should be _fighting_ and not just...giving up, like he is now.

So when Hama freezes his lips and his eyelids and lets the cold spread to cover his ears, too, he's so far past the point of panicking that he welcomes the darkness and the silence, and lets himself drift once more.

At some point, a cup is pressed to his lips, a pathetic amount of water that he gladly takes in anyway. It's enough to relieve the dryness in his mouth, but does nothing for the pounding in his head or the ache in his stomach. He knows he's still cold but now he just feels _numb_ , numb and hungry and thirsty and tired...

Zuko wonders how long it's been.

He's kept in the cold, sometimes with his eyes and ears frozen over, other times just his mouth. Hama doesn't let him speak, not that he has the energy to.

He just.... wants to go _home._

"Please," he manages to croak, after taking a sip of water from the offered cup. Hard fingers brush over his eyes and he blinks, the frost falling away, pupils constricting at the sudden light.

"Are you ready to obey now, little fire?" she asks, almost kindly.

He doesn't say anything more.

Hama twists her hand, and the rest of the ice incasing him falls away. Then she opens the curtains, and for the first time in a long while, he feels Agni's touch again.

"You can have this," she says, "Just do as I say, and you'll be rewarded."

He is tempted, _so_ tempted, but he stays quiet still, soaking up Agni's rays and trying to feel warm again.

Hama sighs, and leaves the room, and for once, Zuko is alone but not frozen. He should try to escape, but he has no energy, none at all.

He sits there, still in the corner, but he stretches out his aching limbs, gasping in pain as the blood spikes through them. His stomach throbs, shrivelled up to almost nothing, and as he presses his hands to his gut, he's suddenly aware of how _thin_ he's become. His ribs are protruding, ridges against his skin, and his fingers look skeletal.

The ice at certain angles is reflective, but he doesn't dare to look. He doesn't want to see himself.

Hama returns, and she's carrying a bowl of something that smells delicious and nauseating at the same time. He tenses up as she draws near, but she just sets the bowl down beside him, and crouches to his level.

"Go on," she coaxes, "Eat. You've been strong to survive this long, but I won't have you dying on me."

He stares at the bowl. "How...long?" he rasps weakly.

She grins. "Fifteen days. I'm impressed."

He feels even more sick. _Fifteen days..._ She's had him for fifteen days, for almost half a month and he's just done _nothing_ but wither away.

Part of him is tempted to carry on down the path of _nothing,_ but the food is _right there_ and he just-

He _needs_ to be stronger. Escape is impossible whilst he's chained and starving. But if he can regain his strength...

Zuko tentatively stretches out a hand, and Hama's grin widens as she places the bowl in his lap. He struggles to lift it to his lips, and takes the smallest sip of what he assumes is a stew of some sort, but he manages it. And then he takes another, and another, before Hama is tugging the empty bowl from his hands.

"See?" she croons, "Not so bad now, is it?"

He doesn't speak.

She reaches out and touches his sallow cheek, a caress that could be gentle but he knows it's mocking.

"Are you ready to obey me now, little fire?"

 _I have to survive,_ he thinks.

"Yes, Mistress," he whispers.

A look of victory spreads across Hama's face, and he tells himself that he's not giving in, he's just doing this to _survive._

But he struggles to convince himself.

* * *

Zuko is twelve.

He's twelve years old and so _lost_ , more than he thought he'd ever be. His life has gone from comfort and fire to fear and ice, and sometimes he wonders why he's still trying to go on.

They're not looking for him.

Or maybe they are, they just...haven't found him yet.

He's stronger now: since he agreed to Hama's terms, as long as he obeys her every word, he's fed and hydrated, and even granted a little of Agni's presence. The ice has gone, as have the chains on his wrists, but the one around his ankle remains, and the window has been boarded up for months now. Hama only takes him outside in the daytime when he's been especially good, or if she has a job for him to do. Either way, she has many metal stakes dotted around her lands, for his ankle chain to be attached to so he cannot run.

He tries, once, and it is the worst night of his life.

He is naive; he doesn't understand the significance of a full moon, when his captor is a waterbender. He just thinks it will light his way better. And so, as night falls, he uses a kitchen knife snuck into the folds of his robes to pick the locks on his cuff and on the doors.

But just as he reaches the trees, his body skids to an abrupt halt, and suddenly, he's lost control. Something is _inside_ of him, twisting and pulling, turning him back towards the inn as the breath is squeezed from his lungs. Vision blurry, he can only stare as Hama emerges from the shadows, her hands raised as if bending. She flicks her fingers, and he stumbles forwards, then is forced to his knees by an invisible force.

It isn't until he has nightmares that he realises she was bending his blood.

She controls him all the way back inside, and when she finally releases him, he lies on the ground shaking with agony, terror pulsing through him at what just transpired.

She...she's just too _powerful._

Hama yells at him, and bends some more, throwing him around and creating a mosaic of bruises over his skin.

It's only when she makes him break his leg that he screams for her to _stop, please,_ he'll do _anything_ just _stop_ -

She lets him go again, and his hands press to his left leg, agony tearing through the crumpled limb.

"I'm going to hold you to that, little fire," she says, before leaving him alone with his pain.

When she returns, it's with some other sort of cuff, and he doesn't really register what it is until she's got control of him again, forcing his hands to take it and fasten it around his neck.

The collar sits tight against his skin, enough that he can feel it, but it doesn't yet restrict his breathing. Hama surveys his collapsed, trembling form with a brighter darkness in her grey eyes.

"I'll break both your legs next time," she threatens, leaning over him to fasten a chain to the collar and connect it to a ring in the wall, dragging him back as she does so. He chokes, hands scrabbling at the collar until she releases her hold on the chain, and he slumps against the wall, gasping for breath.

"You _will_ learn to stay put," she hisses, and he nods, too frightened to do anything else.

Hama leaves, and the weeks that follow are almost as bad as when he first arrived. She doesn't freeze him, but there's ice gathering in the room, and his leg isn't quite setting _right_ , and she's bringing him water each day but food comes only twice a week. He can _feel_ the weight dropping off again, the deep-set hunger in his stomach, the weakness seeping through his bones.

His leg takes far too long to heal.

When it does, though, she starts feeding him more again, and soon she's setting him to work doing whatever jobs she chooses. His first one outside is the worst, due to its implications: she stands there with him, holding on to his chain whilst he hammers in metal hooks at the points she allocates, and the reasoning didn't set in until she fastens the chain to the last hook he secured and tells him to stay there, have a little sun as a reward.

Zuko sits on a fallen tree trunk, resting his aching leg, and _then_ it hits him. His hands fly to the collar, then trace the chain back to where he's fastened like a _pet_ , and he feels so _sick_.

_Father would never stand for this. Azula would never stand for this._

But he can barely _stand_ , his leg definitely hasn't healed right, and he can't risk another escape attempt until he's certain it will be successful. The consequences will be too high.

So he keeps his head down and calls her 'Mistress' and does all he can to regain his strength, to practise with his slight limp, and prays to Agni that whoever is looking will _find_ him soon, _please._

But it's Hama who finds him first, sneaking a practice at his old firebending katas during a rare instance that he's allowed outside. He freezes; though there's no fire created anymore, the principle is still there and she'll be mad-

To his surprise, though, she just laughs, and suggests a new job for him - that she can practice with him. He's hesitant, but she reminds him of his promise to do _anything_ , so he reluctantly agrees.

It's when she comes to get him at night that he begins to regret it.

She removes the chain from the collar, but her grip around his wrist is tight, and he doesn't dare try to run, not when she's right next to him and the half-moon is showing strong in the sky.

He doesn't make the connection as to what they're doing until they've stopped in a clearing, and she lets go of his arm.

"Attack me," she commands.

He hesitates, unsure.

She tuts, "I need you to _work_ with me here. Attack, little fire."

He darts forward, a little slow still, not certain of how to attack with no bending or weapons. But Hama brings her hands up, and he's jolted to a stop, his body out of his control again.

She meets his gaze and laughs, as if she's thrilled at the fear she sees in his eyes.

"I'm a little out of practice," she says, as she makes him walk circles around her, "But you don't mind helping, do you, little fire?"

He'd be shaking if she didn't have such a tight hold on his blood.

"Little fire?"

Hama spins him around and brings him close until they're face to face, then she reaches out and brushes his cheek, her nails digging into the skin under his eyes.

"You're so much like your father," she murmurs, "It's a shame he's not looking for you, isn't it?"

She laughs, spinning him around and playing with him some more, until the sun begins to rise and she walks him back inside, not bothering to chain him as she finally releases her hold. He collapses in a pile of agony, his limbs bruised and trembling, tears streaming down his cheeks as he curls further into himself.

And it hits him, then, that he is completely and utterly alone with her, and there's not a single thing that he can do to escape her control.

* * *

Zuko is thirteen.

He's thirteen years old and his body already feels so much _older_ , from being torn apart and twisted inside on a regular basis.

Hama used to just pick random nights, often half-moons, but it soon progresses to once a week, then twice, and then it becomes almost every night. She doesn't chain him up anymore, knowing full well that he's too tired and in too much pain to even consider an escape. He spends most of his days curled up and struggling to sleep, and most of his nights having his body taken over, again and again and again.

He's learning how to dissociate, to block out the pain and the horrific sensation of his blood moving against his will.

But it's not completely enough.

Hama takes him to practice in the late afternoon one day, but the sun is bright and she's sloppy, her control hurting even more than usual. As evening falls Zuko finally screams that it's _enough,_ can she _please_ stop-!

"I'm disappointed, little fire," she comments, staring down at him as he gasps for breath, "I thought you were different."

He trembles, his limbs refusing to cooperate with him even though she's relinquished her control.

"Do you want to be like the others?"

_... There are others?_

"No, Mistress," he whispers.

Hama smiles. "Good, I thought not. After all, you _are_ my little fire. But I think I _will_ show you the others, tonight."

He's not sure he wants to see these 'others'.

But Hama keeps him with her until the night comes fully and the full moon rises, casting her in a horrific glow.

"Now, little fire, will you follow me nicely, or do I have to do the walking for you?" she asks.

He struggles up to his feet. "I-I'll walk, Mistress."

"Good. Then come." She turns and heads down a path he's never noticed before, cutting through trees and closer to the mountain. He stumbles after her, his legs unused to moving with their own free will, after so many nights of control.

The moon is bright, and there is something _different_ in Hama's countenance, different and terrifying all at once. But then again, he doesn't think he's ever not been afraid of her.

Hama stops outside the entrance to caves within the mountain only to light a torch, and Zuko stares at the fire with sudden longing. The gentle flames are the first he's seen since he was taken, and he wants to reach out, to hold them and feel them flickering as he breathes-

Hama smacks his hand away, and he recoils, backing up as he realises he was, in fact, reaching for the flames.

"Not for you, little fire," she snaps, and flicks her free hand out to grab control of his blood. She forces him to walk beside her the rest of the way, and her control over him is so smooth and well-practised that his body barely stumbles now.

They stop outside a door bolted shut, and she sets the torch on a hook in the wall before releasing him, so her hands are free to unlock the door. He collapses, but forces himself to stand soon after, hugging his arms to his chest as he tries to return any feeling that isn't _pain_ back to them.

Then he looks through the open doorway, and gasps.

There are _people_ in there.

A strange feeling of almost-delight sparks in him at first. These are the first people, the first living, breathing humans, that he's seen other than Hama for two years, now.

But then horror sinks in as he notices they're hardly living at all.

Each person has their hands in cuffs chained to the cave wall above them, and they hang loose and skeletal, starvation written in the boney lines of their bodies.

Zuko wants to be sick, wants to turn away, but Hama bends his blood again and forces him further in.

He sits to one side, trembling, as she stalks around, holding cups of water up and letting them each take a couple of sips. She doesn't give them food, he notices.

"Hey, young one."

Zuko startles and looks around frantically.

"Hey, you, with the long dark hair. I'm on your left!"

He turns to see a middle-aged woman chained there, looking a little more alive than the other people in the cave. She gives him a smile, but her eyes are tense.

"You need to get out of here. Run while you can."

He shakes his head. "I-I can't," he stammers, nervously glancing over at Hama.

"Yes, you can!" the woman urges, "You won't last long here."

"I've lasted two years already," he answers, the words rough and bitter in his mouth.

Her eyes widen. " _Two years?_ But you're just a child...wait... What is your name?"

"Zu-" he starts, and then he chokes, the woman's eyes widening with horror as Hama comes up behind him, twisting her hands and filling his mouth with blood so he _can't breathe._

"Now now, little fire," Hama chides, "No need to speak with my toys."

"We're not your _toys_ ," the woman spits, but then she's choking, too, and Zuko falls to his knees, blood dribbling out of his mouth as Hama releases her hold on him in favour of the woman. He stays there on his knees, trembling, not daring to look up as the woman gasps and chokes for breath but falls suddenly silent.

"You don't have a name anymore, little fire," Hama hisses, her fingers tangling in his long, matted hair, "and if you forget that again, I'll keep you up here, with my toys. Do you understand?"

He nods slowly.

"In fact," she continues, "If you even _step_ out of line, you'll end up here. And you'll find that I am not as kind to those who... _disobey_ me."

Her voice is laced in threat, and Zuko shakes all the way back to the inn, not letting the tears fall until she locks him in and leaves him alone. And then he cries, deep, heaving sobs, as he longs for his home and his family and just... _anyone, please._ Anyone but Hama.

He considers escaping, the next night, but quickly gives up on that plan.

The consequences of failure are higher than ever, and he can't even bring himself to try.

* * *

Zuko is fourteen.

He's fourteen years old, and his life has settled into something that is a little closer to normality.

Hama uses him less for bloodbending practice, and has started giving him some _other_ jobs that are a little more ordinary. She takes him down into the village with her, and he helps her out, more often than not carrying her shopping.

He's never restrained on such visits; she doesn't want to draw attention by having him on a chain, he thinks, and the threat of the mountain hangs over him like a heavy cloud, stopping him from running whenever the thought crosses his mind.

So he obeys, and he lives, growing a little taller and stronger as the time passes.

But one day, he forgets.

He forgets because he sees his face.

And it's not pale and thin, surrounded by a thick, unruly mop of hair that Hama refuses to let him cut. No, it's his old royal portrait, back when he was young and healthy and safe and _loved._

Back when he could still remember how to smile.

Back before his body - and life - were torn from the inside out.

He stares at the portrait, then his gaze moves to the Fire Nation soldier holding it, a heavy look in his amber eyes.

"We come bearing terrible news," the soldier announces, "Prince Zuko has passed away."

_... What._

"As you may not have been aware," the soldier continues, "Our prince fell ill three years ago, and he fought strongly against the disease. But it is with great sorrow that I must deliver the news that the sickness became too much, and he succumbed..."

The rest of the lies turn into white noise, and Zuko's heartbeat quickens. They...they're saying he's _dead_ but he's _not_ , he's right here-

Something in him just... _snaps._

He's yelling at the soldiers before he can think, screaming, "No! I'm here, I'm Prince Zuko! I'm not dead, I'm alive just...just help me, _please_..."

Over and over he asks for them to help and at some point his screams give way to sobs, as someone tries to restrain him but he kicks out and there's a burning desperation in his chest and then there's _actual_ smoke, fires sparking where his feet connect to the ground, a sensation that he hasn't felt in _years_ -

Something brings him right back to himself, though, as he suddenly collapses, under a force that is not his own.

"I apologise for my son," Hama says, her voice so sickly sweet and concerned, "He gets a little...off his head, sometimes."

"Poor kid," a different soldier remarks, as Zuko lies frozen, "The news was probably too rough for him. Sorry about that."

"It's alright. We'll just get going home now, won't we?" She walks over and grabs his hand, but her nails dig into his skin and as they draw blood she bends it, forcing him to his feet and making him walk beside her, out of the village.

But once they're far away from any other people, she turns on him.

"How _dare_ you," she roars, and agony tears through him as she forces him to his knees, blood seeping from his mouth and nose at the sheer force of her bending.

"I'm sorry," he gasps out, then chokes as the blood fills his throat again.

" _Sorry?_ " Hama explodes, "You're _sorry_? Oh, little fire, I will _make_ you sorry. You have ruined everything for yourself now."

She makes him walk up the mountain, and dimly he starts to _remember,_ a panic setting in as they draw closer and closer to that cave of horrors.

"No," he chokes, "No, Mistress, I'm sorry, please-"

His blood cuts him off once more.

"I warned you," she spits, "I warned you, didn't I? And you were such a _perfect_ little pet. I was almost considering letting you go."

Tears well in Zuko's eyes at her cruelty.

"But, alas, you ruined it. Not that it matters now, anyway. Everyone thinks you're _dead._ "

They reach the cave, and she forces him inside, not relinquishing her control until they reach the back wall and she fastens tight cuffs around his wrists, connected to chains that hold his hands above his head.

"They think you're dead, and you'll soon wish you were," she finishes, with a cold laugh.

And he does, he wishes for death right in that moment, for someone to come and _strike_ him before he ends up like one of the skeletons hanging and rotting beside him.

But Agni stopped answering his prayers years ago.

* * *

Zuko is fifteen.

He's fifteen years old, and the darkness is all he knows.

He sags in the cave, wrists raw and bloodied from the chafing of the cuffs, his eyes weak and desperate for even the smallest glimpse of light. It's bad, really: the light brings Hama, and she only brings more suffering. He watches the people around him waste away, dying slowly as Hama prolongs their pain with tiny sips of water, enough to get them through another day.

But for him, she takes it a step further.

For him, she brings food as well.

Every other day he receives water, and once a week she brings him food, often a thick broth that she feeds him by hand. It's barely enough to sustain him, and he feels his weight dropping, but it's unfortunately enough to keep him alive.

He tries refusing the food, and the water, but she forces it down his throat anyway, with a painful mix of physical aggression and bloodbending.

After a few attempts, he finds it's just easier to not resist.

But each day, as he watches the light dim in another prisoner's eyes, he finds himself longing more and more for the sweet relief of death. There's just no _purpose_ in his life, no reason for him to keep breathing.

No reason, except that Hama just won't let him go.

His muscles would atrophy if it wasn't for the fact that she still likes to play with his blood. One night a week, sometimes even two, she'll unchain him and bend him out of the cave, maybe even out of the mountain, taking him somewhere remote just to express her control and practice the ways she can bend his body to behave.

But she never lets go, not until he's securely chained up again.

He begs with her, he _pleads_ for her to just _stop,_ to let him die, but his cries are only met with laughter. She bends the tears off his cheeks and strokes his skin, carding her hands through his greasy, ruined hair.

"Oh, but you mean too much to me, little fire," she croons, "And I don't want my favourite pet to die."

So she feeds him and hydrates him and takes him out to play, on some nights twisting his blood up to such extremes that he spends the next few days in absolute agony, hovering on the brink of death until she realises her mistake and bends the blood back to repair whatever internal damage she caused.

Zuko doesn't live, he just _exists,_ though really, his body is all that is present.

His mind, his _soul_ , is locked away, trapped beneath all the blood and the pain, waiting for the day that it can be released into the afterlife.

But to his utmost disappointment, that day doesn't come.

* * *

Zuko is sixteen.

He's sixteen when somebody else, somebody _unwanted,_ stumbles across the cave in the mountain.

At first he think it's just Hama, again, because it's _always_ her. He doesn't bother to lift his head, too exhausted from the previous night's brutal bloodbending, and not wanting to see her familiar sneer.

But something is... _different_.

Instead of sobs and pleas, there are exclamations of joy and relief, and dimly he wonders if Hama has finally decided to kill them all instead of leaving them to suffer a slow, painful death.

However, there are multiple footsteps, and the rare sound of chains falling empty against the walls. _Are they... being freed?_

A sharp intake of breath makes him raise his head, ever so slightly, to see a pale-skinned, dark-haired girl standing in front of him.

"Guys," she calls out, "There's one more. And he's... _young_."

Two more people emerge, both boys, though the similarities end there. The first is shorter, with pale skin, and bold, blue tattoos shaped like arrows on his forehead and arms. The other is taller and older, with darker skin, dressed in blue.

"Tui and La," the older boy exclaims, "Is he... are you alive?"

It takes Zuko a moment to realise the boy is talking about _him_.

"Barely," he rasps, words unfamiliar in his dry mouth.

"Oh monkeyfeathers," the younger boy breathes, "Don't worry! We're here to rescue you! Toph-"

"I'll be careful," the girl retorts, and as she draws closer with a key in hand, Zuko notices the cloudiness in her eyes. _She's blind._

Toph makes quick work of his cuffs, and his legs give way instantly, but the older boy is there, catching him before he can slam into the ground.

"Tui and La," the boy says again, "You're so _thin_. How long have you been here?"

Zuko thinks, but he can't remember, so he shrugs weakly.

"Don't press him," the younger boy chides, "He's clearly hurt, and needs help. We need to get everyone out of here, and warn Katara."

"Definitely," the older agrees, and he glances back at Zuko just as the latter manages to raise his head a little more, pushing some of his hair away from his face. And then both boys stiffen.

"You...you look like _her_ ," the older whispers, horror in his eyes.

"Who?" Zuko manages, though he doesn't really want to know.

"Azula," the younger boy answers.

Zuko blinks, his mind starting to race, because he _knows_ that name, _Azula_ , he _knows_ her, she... She...

She's his _sister._

"What?" the younger exclaims, and Zuko's heart sinks as he figures he said the last part out loud.

"You're her brother? Then that means..." Older boy's eyes widen and he drops Zuko, who hits the ground and grimaces as the sudden force sends pain shooting through his fragile ribs.

"You're a prince! The son of the Fire Lord!"

"We can't trust him," the older hisses, "Toph, get those cuffs back on him."

"Fine," she grumbles, "But you two, go warn Katara before Hama can hurt her, too."

Zuko cringes back at the mention of Hama's name, but the two boys are gone, and then it's just him and the blind girl.

"Sorry about this, but we gotta be safe," she says, detaching the chains with his cuffs from the wall.

He just stares at the ground, holding out his hands for her to clamp the cuffs back around again.

Toph somehow binds the lengths of chain together into one, which she then holds as he stumbles forwards, his legs seeming to have forgotten how to move by themselves. She doesn't seek to rush him, though, as she's distracted with guiding the other prisoners as well.

All Zuko can think is that he's just trapped, again, and he's _never_ going to be free.

He also worries that Hama will find them, and drag him back again, but she...never does.

After the others head back to their villages, Toph takes him to meet the rest of her 'friends'. There's the two boys from before, who he learns are called Aang and Sokka, then Sokka has a sister, Katara, who appears to be rather distressed. They sit around a campfire, and Zuko instinctively scoots closer to the flames, having been starved of them for so long.

Aang offers him a drink, and he accepts, but he feels Sokka's cold gaze bearing into him, and he can't take it much longer.

"How does the prince of the Fire Nation end up as an old woman's prisoner?" Sokka eventually asks, his tone almost mocking.

Zuko swallows, staring at the flames. "Hama is not just an old woman," he says, "And...it's a long story."

"We have time," Sokka retorts.

So Zuko takes a deep breath, and he tells them. He tells them of his stupid trust, of how he just _let_ Hama take him. He tells them of his time in the inn, when the jobs were less painful. He tells them of her bloodbending practice, and Katara cringes back, tears welling in her eyes. He tells them of the incident in the village, and the following horrors of the cave.

He tells them everything, and when he finishes, Toph throws the shackles off him and gathers him into a hug, which Aang soon joins.

"That... that's so _horrible_ , I... I'm sorry," Sokka gasps, his eyes damp as well.

"Hama's gone now," Katara says, her voice a little shaky, "She won't hurt you again."

"How... how old were you when...?" Aang struggles to ask.

"Eleven," he answers.

"And how old are you now...?"

Zuko has to really think. "Um, sixteen, maybe?" he guesses.

"Tui and La," Sokka curses, "Five years..."

"Do you have anywhere to go?" Toph enquires.

Zuko shakes his head. "My father declared me dead," he whispers, "I... I don't think I can go back."

"Then stay with us," Toph says fiercely.

Zuko stiffens, and stares at her. "What?" he croaks.

"Stay with us," Aang echoes, "We'll look after you and help you get better, and we won't let anyone hurt you. You'll be safe with us."

"I won't be like Hama," Katara says shakily, "I... I will _never_ bloodbend. And I won't let _anyone_ try and do that to you again."

"I'll protect you, too," Sokka adds, "You can stay with us, for as long as you like."

Zuko's trembling, and then he's crying, and he lets himself be held by the younger two as tears stream down his cheeks, and for once nobody is stopping him, no-one is controlling his body, no-one has him held captive.

He...

He's _free._

And as he looks at his rescuers, all young like him, he finds himself nodding, because he just...he _needs_ someone. He's been dependant on Hama for so long, he can't just face the world by himself, he's not _ready._

But this group, they're _different._ There's something special about them, something that _relaxes_ him, and for the first time in a long, long time, he feels a warmth blossoming in his chest.

_Hope._

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't leave Zuko without a happy ending. I almost left this fic after the first section but had enough inspiration to carry on, and whoops, this happened.  
> & I know Zuko is a little OoC but he does have a different childhood. Hama 'raising' him has had a massive effect on his personality & just the way he is in general. It's a downward spiral and I hope I wrote it okay!
> 
> Again all credit for this AU goes to the fantastic MuffinLance! I just took the basic idea and ran wild with it XD
> 
> thank you so much for reading! Comments are always welcome, they make my day ^-^
> 
> Edit: also, whoops, this is gonna be a series now. I have ideas XD no idea when they'll turn from thoughts to fics but, well, keep an eye out!


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